So I am taking a psychology course this term. As part of a “non-mandatory” but will give you a raise in marks bribe, my professor suggested that we sign up to participate in studies as a way to earn credit, and thus a raise in your percentage. As part of the registration process, you were require to answer a series of questions about yourself to determine your categorization, personality, psychological state and which studies you would be eligible for. By the end of the survey I started becoming depressed for the rest of the night, crying for periods of time and becoming upset easily.

Maybe they should do a study on the survey.

Or send it in to the ethics council for a review.

Or find me some therapy.

As fall arrives, the days get darker, the rush from the first week of school slowly gives way to a constant tiredness and somewhat of a loathing. Like usual, I have burdened myself with committing to too much and having little to no sleep, having procrastinated and distracted myself all weekend. And it hasn’t even been a month yet. A new record for me.

But after my much needed actual vacation time the entire summer, I am surprised to find that, once I finally start studying, how terribly committed I was. Maybe I was still beating myself up over my marks, which I was positive I could have done way better, but my dedication to studying lead to my entire room being plastered with labelled Post-its telling me the name of every object in French. I have to admit though, it does work. This morning while getting dressed, I unconsciously read 10 of those words and probably memorised three of them for now. Now if only I can find a way to get around to all those readings I have piled up...

Besides studying, I find myself in a situation to join clubs or activities and get rid of my shyness and be more social. Being naturally shy sucks. It leaves you with few friends and many acquaintances (like those people who you get along well with, but never hang out with unless you just happen to meet them,) but it also makes you too scared to join a club or activity that would allow you to make friends.

Granted I have appeared to be more confident and outgoing over the last few years. But  while everyone says I look so confident as soon as I walk out on stage and start performing, but I my still scared shitless and my awkwardness still shows a bit unless I have someone there ready to go all the way crazy with me (shout-out to B and A! never afraid to do anything when I’m on stage with them) and that was why I never ended up signing up and going to an audition for the singing group. I may like it, but it’s not something I’m particularly good at.  But at least now I know, unlike dancing, skating or gymnastics, I always have this feeling that it was something that I really would had loved it I had continued with it.

But growing up always call for new beginnings and this is my new beginnings. I hope that this year I will become more social, go out more, do the stuff I always wanted to do, and can find the will to force myself to concentrate on studying when I need to.

And I guess this is my new years resolution. It always seem to correlate with the new school year rather than the Standard Calendar.

(Glee starting tomorrow! Hope this season will be better than the last one.)